Sunday, January 31, 2010

these are my confessions

i'm not sure why i haven't really felt like writing lately, but some things have been on my mind that were kind of bothering me...

confession number one?  i've only been eating between 1300-1500 calories a day

i don't realize it.  i haven't lost weight, nor gained.  i'm just maintaining.  but i don't want to live my live only eating that much.  someone my age and height needs more than that, 2200 according to the daily plate.  soccer season starts monday, and i'm concerned about how i need to handle it because i can't afford to go backwards with my health.  i know april is upping her calorie intake gradually, and i'm thinking about doing the same.   i mean, i guess my intake right now is about right since i have been basically sitting on my butt literally all day long.  i still don't want that though.  i want to rev my metabolism back up and be a soccer machine!  i feel like i've just been munching all day long, and that is truly where my of my calories come from...i almost don't like eating meals anymore.  i've become a snacker like my mother, and i need to get away from that! it's not healthy, weight gain or not.  i'm going to wake up tomorrow and try to eat normal meals, and snack normally. 

confession number 2?  some days i'm not happy when i look in the mirror.

i was worried telling jeff all of this, but he was so understanding about it.  sometimes i'm not sure how i got so lucky to find him.  and he was is NORMAL to not feel 100% about your body all of the time!  i didn't want to feel "weak" by confessing maybe i wasn't completely over this ED.  but i was wrong, i am over this.  ED is gone from my life.  no one is perfect! so regardless of my past, i'm allowed to have a bad day every once in awhile too :)  so remember, even "normal" people have their moments, too!

even this girl.

confession number 3?  i hate the media.

seriously? you want to know why so many girls have eating disorders? THEN WHY ARE THE ONLY WOMAN SHOWN ON T.V. AND IN MAGAZINES SKINNY AND AIRBRUSHED? it gives girls such a crap image of what our ideal bodies should be.  according to the world of fashion? i'm overweight.  it's awful.  women are pushed to have these bodies that are so unrealistic.  even the ones we think have "perfect" bodies are only airbrushed to look that way.  so why do that to us?  why can't you just have one little flaw on an advertisement?  no one believes it, and it only puts bad thoughts in girls' heads.  it's not that important to have your basically invisible anyways cellulite removed from your pictures.  as;ldkffffff...i know it's talked about all the time, but it has just recently come to annoy me even more.  i just wish i could do something about it.

look what it does to girls...

this is what makes me happy to see...

they are both beautiful girls, i'm not bashing either one.  but i bet you 8 of 10 guys would take the girl on the left.  she is so skinnyy, and apparently the girl on the right is fat.  but you see, she is not fat at all, she is HEALTHY.  our minds have been twisted to think that's fat, but it's normal.  i want everyone to know that.

sorry for the random rant, but it's just been bothering me.  i want everyone to be happy with their bodies and be grateful for what god gave them.  there is beauty in everybody, it's not just about your size.  sure, i may not have boobs, but i have a pretty smile.  for every "negative" i can list two positives.  i challenge you all to do the same.  it really makes you feel like the beautiful person you are :)

ciao bella


  1. such a beautiful post baby <3
    i love you so much and this is so true, the media blows.
    but you are so amazing. don't let one bad day spoil your hard work in recovery. you are doing so extremely well and you can get back on track with your meals/snacks! good luck tomorrow. i'm here if you need ANYTHING.
    love you,

  2. im sorry you are having a bad day <3
    i hope tomorrow is better. you are strong and beautiful. xoxox
    i also HATE the media
    it makes me cry. everyday.

  3. aw, I totally hear you. I hate how the models these days are either twigs or "plus sized" which are overweight and not healthy either. Where are the healthy athletic looking fit girls??? Drives me crazyyyyy.

  4. I totally agree with everything you said in this post.

    1. everyone has those days where they look and the mirror and don't like what they see..its human nature.

    2. and the needs to change. we can't be expected to have the same body when we are all different!!

    keep doing well, girl. you are so strong.

  5. magazines piss me off! girl-you are beautiful and need to be healthy. you need those calories. you HAVE to get them in! you have to be healthy!

  6. hey lindsey(: this post is totally relateable. we all have these days no worries. i cant believe how BEAUTIFULLL the girl on the right is! and still, the "skinnier" one is the one girls look up to and want to be like. its so weird. i personally would much rather look like the blonde, tan, healthy girl (; have a great day xoxoxo soph

  7. aw, roommate. i love you so much:)

    i don't like the way i look most of the time. there's always something i can pick out that i don't like about myself. i think everyone can do that. i think everyone DOES that.
    and all those girls on tv and magazines, they're probably not happy with the way they look either.
    everyyyoneee has insecurities, no matter who they are.
    hell, i'm sure even jesus had things about himself he didn't like, and he was perfect.
    (that sounded way more religious than i actually am. i guess the 'hell' part in front countered it though. baha.)

    regardless, i think you're beautiful, inside and out. and who cares if you're flat chested, i am too :D

    you're honestly my best friend, even after such a short amount of time. it's just that we click so well. i can tell you anything and not think twice about it.
    i'm just glad i found you, you know?


  8. aww casey :)

    i don't even know what to sayy! i miss you, by the way? hahaha...a girl needs her best friend sometimes, and i haven't seen her in like two weeks. only two more to go! I CANNOT WAIT FOR AUGUSTTTTTTT. it's crazy how we just randomly met and i think we talked for hours on end. even that one day just went seamlessly, you know? i'm going to stop talking now because i feel like i'm talking about a relationship :)

    but thank you for your comment, it means a lot. especially the jesus part. i may or may not have lol-ed. :) and i don't use that term loosely ya know!! bwhahahaa.


    ♥ lindsey aka roomieeeeeee :)

  9. I must say, I disagree with your statement that those on tv and what not are what cause girls to develop eating disorders. They develop eating disorders because of their personal insecurities. If they were fine on their own they could look at a thin person and not feel insecure.
    Fashion models should be thin. I believe that and I'm sticking to it. They look good. Most European women are slim, (more Europeans buy designer clothes than American women) not big pieces of ham like Whitney.
    Most fashion models eat. You can tell because their skin wouldn't be as healthy and clear, plus they wouldn't have energy.

  10. Hey Facundo or whatever your name is, im sorry honey but you are so wrong, who said that models should be all thin and tha clothes look better in them thats such a lie its just what MEDIA make all of us believe and women of real life are not so thin so its stupid to look for extremely skinny models if women are not like that and in the end, we are the ones who are going to buy and use this clothes,they should look for beautiful but real figures, By the way look and talk to those skinny models without makeup and see how their skin really looks and how the feel

    Ps: Girls I know its hard believe me, but we can do this , lie your life, be HAPPY and stop forcing and pushing yourselves to be like one of this stupid "MODELS"

    I love this post, it made me feel better!!