confession number one? i've only been eating between 1300-1500 calories a day
i don't realize it. i haven't lost weight, nor gained. i'm just maintaining. but i don't want to live my live only eating that much. someone my age and height needs more than that, 2200 according to the daily plate. soccer season starts monday, and i'm concerned about how i need to handle it because i can't afford to go backwards with my health. i know april is upping her calorie intake gradually, and i'm thinking about doing the same. i mean, i guess my intake right now is about right since i have been basically sitting on my butt literally all day long. i still don't want that though. i want to rev my metabolism back up and be a soccer machine! i feel like i've just been munching all day long, and that is truly where my of my calories come from...i almost don't like eating meals anymore. i've become a snacker like my mother, and i need to get away from that! it's not healthy, weight gain or not. i'm going to wake up tomorrow and try to eat normal meals, and snack normally.
confession number 2? some days i'm not happy when i look in the mirror.
i was worried telling jeff all of this, but he was so understanding about it. sometimes i'm not sure how i got so lucky to find him. and he was right...it is NORMAL to not feel 100% about your body all of the time! i didn't want to feel "weak" by confessing maybe i wasn't completely over this ED. but i was wrong, i am over this. ED is gone from my life. no one is perfect! so regardless of my past, i'm allowed to have a bad day every once in awhile too :) so remember, even "normal" people have their moments, too!
even this girl.
confession number 3? i hate the media.
seriously? you want to know why so many girls have eating disorders? THEN WHY ARE THE ONLY WOMAN SHOWN ON T.V. AND IN MAGAZINES SKINNY AND AIRBRUSHED? it gives girls such a crap image of what our ideal bodies should be. according to the world of fashion? i'm overweight. it's awful. women are pushed to have these bodies that are so unrealistic. even the ones we think have "perfect" bodies are only airbrushed to look that way. so why do that to us? why can't you just have one little flaw on an advertisement? no one believes it, and it only puts bad thoughts in girls' heads. it's not that important to have your basically invisible anyways cellulite removed from your pictures. as;ldkffffff...i know it's talked about all the time, but it has just recently come to annoy me even more. i just wish i could do something about it.
look what it does to girls...
this is what makes me happy to see...
they are both beautiful girls, i'm not bashing either one. but i bet you 8 of 10 guys would take the girl on the left. she is so skinnyy, and apparently the girl on the right is fat. but you see, she is not fat at all, she is HEALTHY. our minds have been twisted to think that's fat, but it's normal. i want everyone to know that.
sorry for the random rant, but it's just been bothering me. i want everyone to be happy with their bodies and be grateful for what god gave them. there is beauty in everybody, it's not just about your size. sure, i may not have boobs, but i have a pretty smile. for every "negative" i can list two positives. i challenge you all to do the same. it really makes you feel like the beautiful person you are :)