R.I.P. ED

Dear ED,

Today, I saw farwell to you. Your time in my life has come and gone. Regrettably, I have held on to your last grasps for too long. You have made such an impact on my life, and letting you go has been hard. I fell into your grasps. You were my only friend. But you took away my other friends, and you took away my love for life. As I started to waste away, you were closer to me than ever. I'm not sorry to say that, today, I have made the decision to move on. No more comparing my "new self" to my ED-ridden self. I no longer will dwell on those dark days. When I order a bacon burger, I'm not going to comment on how I never would have thought about this a few months ago. I'm through with you making appearances in my thoughts and comments. Yes, I may be out of your control, but I am still holding on to you, and it's time to say goodbye. So goodbye, ED. Our time we spent together will not be cherished and I will not be thinking about you in the future. I am now going to share my last thoughts of you in your "eulogy" and from now on, you are no longer a part of my life. R.I.P.

the beginning

first day of my sophomore year, healthy and happy.

we were best friends...

first day of my senior year...not so healthy. but i was in recovery at that point. i was beginning to leave you behind.

you ruined my senior pictures.

you made my prom hideous.

and to think i was proud of you were to me. (puffy cheeks because this was a couple days after my tmj surgery.)

i was the chief marshal for graduation of my junior class. people probably gasped when they saw us walk down the aisle. i was the only one who didn't see what you were doing to me.

then i found help. i realized you were killing me quickly. you took away my life, but i had the strength to attend duke therapy sessions to find the real me. months later, i was stable. you were still there, but i was well on my way to being free.

the end.

i have fun in target without you.


i'm going to college without you. i did it on my own.

i have the love of my life back, and it isn't you.

this is the real me.

i take pictures of myself. because i'm unique and i'm me.

i eat cupcake batter with my real friends.

I no longer need you in my life. I have other people who fill your void. And I have everyone here, in the blogging community (who I am so thankful for and love so much!). Goodbye ED, I will not miss you.

ciao bella