Wednesday, January 13, 2010


Dear ED,

Today, I saw farwell to you. Your time in my life has come and gone. Regrettably, I have held on to your last grasps for too long. You have made such an impact on my life, and letting you go has been hard. I fell into your grasps. You were my only friend. But you took away my other friends, and you took away my love for life. As I started to waste away, you were closer to me than ever. I'm not sorry to say that, today, I have made the decision to move on. No more comparing my "new self" to my ED-ridden self. I no longer will dwell on those dark days. When I order a bacon burger, I'm not going to comment on how I never would have thought about this a few months ago. I'm through with you making appearances in my thoughts and comments. Yes, I may be out of your control, but I am still holding on to you, and it's time to say goodbye. So goodbye, ED. Our time we spent together will not be cherished and I will not be thinking about you in the future. I am now going to share my last thoughts of you in your "eulogy" and from now on, you are no longer a part of my life. R.I.P.

the beginning

first day of my sophomore year, healthy and happy.

we were best friends...

first day of my senior year...not so healthy. but i was in recovery at that point. i was beginning to leave you behind.

you ruined my senior pictures.

you made my prom hideous.

and to think i was proud of you were to me. (puffy cheeks because this was a couple days after my tmj surgery.)

i was the chief marshal for graduation of my junior class. people probably gasped when they saw us walk down the aisle. i was the only one who didn't see what you were doing to me.

then i found help. i realized you were killing me quickly. you took away my life, but i had the strength to attend duke therapy sessions to find the real me. months later, i was stable. you were still there, but i was well on my way to being free.

the end.

i have fun in target without you.

i'm going to college without you. i did it on my own.

i have the love of my life back, and it isn't you.

this is the real me.

i take pictures of myself. because i'm unique and i'm me.

i eat cupcake batter with my real friends.

I no longer need you in my life. I have other people who fill your void. And I have everyone here, in the blogging community (who I am so thankful for and love so much!). Goodbye ED, I will not miss you.

ciao bella


  1. omg. this is the most inspirational post i have ever come across. sweetie, this just made me so happy. I will definitely do one of these in the near future--copying is the strongest form of flattery :] you deserve so much applause for this. I am so incredibly happy that you were finally able to break free from the chains of ED that were holding you back. it's so awesome to see someone who has come so far in recovery. you are so strong and this post just proves that. take care hun! you rock :]

  2. Oh my God, Lindsey. This made me cry.
    I cannot tell you how happy this made me, how proud this made me feel, and how much it moved me.

    You are so strong, Lindsey. You are so much more than what ED ever made you believe, and I cannot express in words how amazing it is to see that you realize this, now. You can see just how beautiful you are, how capable you are, how successful you are and how amazing you can be - without ED. Saying goodbye to something that has been with you for what seems like a lifetime is hard, extremely hard. But you know it is what's best for you, and so you are sacrificing this relationship - you accept that it will hurt, but you know that it is the right thing to do.

    Oh, you are so incredible. You've come so far!
    You are a true inspiration. You really are.

    Love always,
    Eleanor. xo

  3. a. you are so inspiring

    b. this post gave the goosebumps

    c. you are beautiful and amazing and ED can no longer dictate how you determine that!

    here's to health and happiness!


    you are beautiful, and so strong
    so proud of you!


    Hell YES you did this all on your own, you amazingly strong, powerful, totally fantastic woman!

    I am covered in goosebumps right now, you are an amazingly brilliant writer, this is seriously great! I loved it, especially the part about Target, that is definitely one of my favorite places to have fun. Oh, and eating cupcake batter with my real friends? Best thing ever.

    Love this!

  6. yahoooooo awesome post! It must have been so empowering!!:) You are amazing great job girl!! oxoxoxox

  7. I got lost in my ED my sophomore year too.... this post made me cry.
    it was so beautiful and inspirational and personal.
    You are such a beautiful girl and you deserve to be happy and carefree!
    It is so scary to see what ED has done to us... I think I may want to do a post like this if you don't mind.. it is amazing (not in a good way) to see the changes and the deterioration of a person with anorexia/bulemia/etc.

    This is a road no one should go down, thank you for posting this Anti-ED post. You are amazing!


  8. i don't mind if anyone else does this at all! in fact, i would love to see more. and thank you all for supporting me, it means so much :)

    ♥ lindsey

  9. Lindsey, this post made me cry. I am so happy for you that you are coming out the other side of this horrific ED. You're amazing, stay strong, beautiful, and believe in yourself, always :)

  10. dear ED,
    you no longer have my roommate. you cannot has. she's too amazing to let you ruin her life, and she's strong enough without you.
    so take that.



    dear lindsey,
    i freaking love you. like, no lie, we were meant to be friends. it's amazing how different i've been the past few days, in a good day. and you know what? it's all you. the person that you are today. the person you should be proud of.


  11. *way. fml. blame it on the m that sticks.

  12. freaking m! :)

    besides that, this means way too much to me, casey. i swear we are long lost sisters. i've known you for two days and yet i feel like i know you better than i have ever known any of my friends. for you to write that likee knocks me off my feet, for lack of a better way to say it. you are amazing girl, and i CANNOT WAIT for this fall :))))

    gahh! i'm so happy.

    ♥ lindsey aka roommate :)

  13. this post made me cry with hope.
    i want to have fun in Target with my freinds.
    i want to lick batter off of spoons
    and smile
    and not to have my last 5 years (of pictures..grad, weddings, etc) be ruined.. because they were.

  14. @melon shots...

    you CAN do it...anything is possible. healing comes with time, and a little help from other people. find someone to lean on and take one day at a time. eventually, you will wake up and find that life is so much better that way...and when you do, it's life changing. good luck, and if you ever need anyone to talk to, i'm here!

    ♥ lindsey