more pounds and more giveaways...

first off, chocolate covered katie is giving away even moreeeeeeeeeee chocolate and i want some :) here's her big fat chocolate giveaway. yummy...

so, i started taking a new medicine that has gone pretty well so far...the side effects aren't nearly as bad as my last go-around with it. but there is one thing that is kind of getting on my nerves...

I HAVE THE APPETITE OF A TEENAGE BOY.

i can't stop eating...seriously. you would think that, with me trying to gain weight, it would be a good thing. maybe it is, i don't know. i mean, i guess the rapid weight gain isn't bothering me that much, but it's just a different feeling to me, and i'm not sure what to think about it. however, i refuse to let ED come back now and tell me that i need to not listen to my new-found appetite. obviously, my body is telling me to eat more, and i'm going to honor my body by doing so, even if i get a little bit of a buddha belly.

maybe i'll get some of that wisdom along with it...?

i know this is a good thing, i really do. but i guess i still have control issues that problably caused ED in the first place, but i'm strong enough now to know that i can't let them get the best of me again.

i don't think it's the gaining weight that's bothering me...i think it's that an outside source is the cause of it, and i'm not doing it ON MY OWN.

i decided that i'm going to use this as a tool in my recovery though. it's a good exercise in letting go of my control needs, and just rolling with the punches that life throws at me.

and if i end up with that buddha belly, so be it. it's just another part of my healthy body that i will love :)

ciao bella :)